the inaugural great hedgehog run in aid of the british hedgehog preservation society on sunday the ninth of june 2002 aiming to visit all thirty-one cambridge colleges in alphabetical order in under eight hours with a signed note from each porters' lodge - completed in seven hours thirty-five minutes.

1000: Start 1005: Christ's 1018: Churchill 1034: Clare 1045: Clare Hall 1058: Corpus Christi 1100: Darwin 1110: Downing 1115: Emmanuel 1128: Fitzwilliam 1145: Girton 1220: Gonville and Caius 1246: Homerton 1309: Hughes Hall 1325: Jesus 1332: Kings 1346: Lucy Cavendish 1350: Magdalene 1401: New Hall 1422: Newnham 1430: Pembroke 1435: Peterhouse 1445: Queens' 1456: Robinson 1512: St Catharine's 1532: St Edmund's 1545: St John's 1605: Selwyn 1625: Sidney Sussex 1631: Trinity 1635: Trinity Hall 1715: Wolfson 1735: Finish

why?

I had been planning to visit all 31 colleges for fun, but the warped minds of James Bell (aka Pastelcowpat) and Nick Owen (aka Shifty) turned what would have been an amiable stroll into a race against the clock. I sent out an email requesting sponsorship of the princely sum of 31p for the British Hedgehog Preservation Society who had sadly failed to get any money from the Downing College charity charge. At 10:00 precisely I set off.

the rules

The rules of the contest in case you want to emulate my feat:

  1. You must start at 10am from the tree in the middle of Kenny Court, Downing College, Cambridge.
  2. To complete the challenge you must return to the tree by 6pm that same day, having satisfied all the conditions of the challenge.
  3. You must visit all 31 Cambridge colleges, in alphabetical order.
  4. At each college a porter should sign to confirm the time of your arrival. If no porter can be found, any member of the college may sign instead.
  5. You should also take a photograph at each of the 31 colleges
  6. The challenge must be completed on foot. The use of motor vehicles, bicycles, punts etc is strictly prohibited.

early days

The trip gets off to a reasonably good start. The porters are somewhat confused as to why I might want to do this but generally play along. I make it to Darwin by 11 as planned.

going to girton

As I pass out of the town into the frontierlands, the scenery changes. Neoclassical architecture is replaced with a series of concrete monstrosities. I pass a suspicious looking genetics unit from which a green spotted llama seems fated to appear. As a pass through the checkpoint at the border the old grizzled guard asks where I am heading. "Girton" I reply. He gives a low, hollow laugh. I continue along the weary road, passing a chillingly apt sign. Finally, with dark black clouds looming on the horizon, I spot the entrance to the college itself. As I walk up the driveway towards the main tower, strangely reminiscent of a watchtower at a concentration camp, a vulture swoops overhead. I have arrived.

I enter the lodge, and bowing deeply, approach the porter. Luckily I have my English-Girtonian phrase book handy. Wozniak amido appalla intod jipta hodgeheggius. ingirtonia fippit wokriut? The porter looks confused. I realise that I may have been using the "at the doctor's" page of the phrasebook by mistake. I continue the conversation by sign language...

coincidence

By a strange coincidence, Sunday 9th June is also the day of the British Heart Foundation sponsored walk. By this time, the participants have all finished and are prancing around the town centre with their medals and balloons. I, sadly, still have six hours of walking ahead of me.

hughes hall

Waste a lot of time trying to find someone, anyone, to sign my sheet at Hughes Hall, which has a uncanny resemblance to a seaside hotel in Torquay.

lies, lies ...

Longest legs: Girton to Gonville & Caius, Gonville & Caius to Homerton, Trinity Hall to Wolfson

Shortest legs: Corpus Christi to Darwin, Downing to Emmanuel, Lucy Cavendish to Magdalene, Pembroke to Peterhouse, Trinity Hall to Trinity.

Most boring legs: Gonville & Caius to Homerton, Trinity Hall to Wolfson.

Nicest legs: That girl who signed my form at St Edmund's ;-)

oh bugger

It starts to rain. I'm only wearing a t-shirt and shorts and I didn't bring a coat.

relief

I manage to get ahead of schedule since Peterhouse, Pembroke and Queens' are so close together. But the rain is getting heavier.

i never thought i'd say it but

I am very happy to spot Robinson College looming out of the drizzle.

why does it always rain on me?

I give in and buy an umbrella.

so near and yet...

I have given up jogging now and am walking. I seem to have gone up and down Silver Street about 20 times.

where the hell is wolfson?

Wolfson is a long way away and in completely the wrong direction to get back home. When I finally arrive, the hoped-for brass band playing Fanfare for the Common Man or perhaps the theme from Chariots of Fire does not materialise. I know I've got plenty of time left and just have to make it back to Downing in one piece. Sure enough, with 25 minutes remaining I'm back in Kenny Court.

proof

As required by the rules, here are my sheets complete with signatures and times from each of the porters' lodges.

Signatures from Porters Lodges More Signatures

You've seen the evidence now help the hedgehogs. All I ask is 31 measly pence to give a hedgehog a better life!

Matt